Eating a bagel in my underwear.
Good luck competing with this, the rest of my day.
What if doctors had to get teardrop tattoos every time they had a patient die
There’s such a premium placed on sass these days. It’s like excuse me, I was calling bitches out in the womb.
How I know I’m lazy: I have to pee medium bad, but I still haven’t gotten out of bed and prob won’t til it’s code red.
I want to thank my ass fat for catching my fall off the bus yesterday. I appreciate that you’ll always be there for me. Seriously, you’ll always be there, I have no plans to start working out.
How I know life is unfair: I have slight BO and am also freezing.
Just licked deodorant off my hand. Really thought it was gonna be cream cheese.
There’s nothing I hate more than little pizzas.
It’s been a long, long time coming, but I know my Chinese is gonna come.
I owned at wearing lipstick tonight. Fuck yeah.
Yeah, sure, I feel like hitting the gym… with my fist!
Pour up (tumblr)
Head shot (tumblr)
Sit down (tumblr)
Stand up (tumblr)
Pass out (tumblr)
Wake up (tumblr)
Hot guy on the bus might have been looking at me. Might have been checking the next stop but also might have been looking at me. Woo!
So my friend saw Drake at a karaoke bar in LA and this chick walks up to him and asks him something and then he follows her on stage and then Drake karaokes his own fucking song while the girl botches Nicki Minaj’s part. Wow.