Airport employee 1: I’m gonna go into farming
Airport employee 2: What are you gonna farm?
Airport employee 1: Crops
When I’m on my period, I call myself the Tamponater.
Your 20’s: I’m the most important time of your life
Your 30’s: No, I’m the most important time of your life
Your childhood: I like candy
I’ve been working on my resume. Under Claire’s I just want to put “There are no words to describe this.”
A high percentage of the people I follow are depressed.
I’ll never get over how much white bras make boobs look like poached eggs.
How to be funny in 2 easy steps:
1. Make horrible puns
2. Apologize for how bad they are but secretly not be sorry
Do you think penguins always feel overdressed?
What Not To Do If You Get Mugged by Wendy Steiner
1. Girls’ Allison Williams is NBC anchor, Brian William’s Daughter
2. Buzzfeed founder, Jonah Peretti is Chelsea Peretti’s brother
3. The quote that made me love Michelle Obama about how if she had married another man he’d be president is actually a joke from The West Wing