Do you ever fart and it sounds like opening a 2 liter bottle of soda?
Let’s see if a glasses compliment and some live comedy can pull me out of my funk today.
Is it time for a sequel to Save the Last Dance about raising interracial children yet? Please?
I don’t want this coffee to end.
*Cries into coffee.*
Since when does my phone correct crotch to crotchboobs. Phone, you’re gross.
I know I’m tired cause I just thought, “Wow, I’ve been up for almost 24 hours. Good thing I’m not a boner.”
Should I get a sweatshirt that says party poopin’ since 1991 or naw?
Since shit is a fertilizer maybe it’s not that bad that I constantly shit all over people’s ideas.
Eating a bagel in my underwear.
Good luck competing with this, the rest of my day.
There’s such a premium placed on sass these days. It’s like excuse me, I was calling bitches out in the womb.
How I know I’m lazy: I have to pee medium bad, but I still haven’t gotten out of bed and prob won’t til it’s code red.